Bigger Distance, Deeper Hurts.

Its been supa supa long since i have seen him. Its like we always have chances to meet up, but its either he cannot or i cannot. Is fate trying to tell me something? On my birthday, he didn't do anything special... (Everytime when i think about this its reminds me of Alex.) Last time, when I'm going overseas on my birthday Alex would still celebrate my birthday. But it was last time! But it seem like he didn't... He should know right?! He should celebrate it earlier or later mah. For Dionne's birthday, we all get to celebrate hers. Even Marcus was there to celebrate too, why can Marcus do it but not him? Isit because Marcus love Dionne more then Ivan love me!?

I want to know why? He was always there to say "We would last long even if we are going to different Sec School" And i would always agree at that time but now very hard for me to believe it anymore. Any day, just any day, we might break up. Is either me or him. It would happen. Or those shitty last long words doesn't even came true at all. So whats the point if you are getting people wishes like "Last long" their just words, its would never come true. All those mushy words that couples give to each other, are just there but for awhile only. Those words can't hold couples together. It can't.

I still miss him, i still do. But i can't always be the first one who always text him first. Always me start first then the one who would be going first is him. Whats this shit thing?! I don't want this kind of stupid relationship! He don't have to be perfect for me, really, but he have to also know that his girlfriend can't do everything.

Because of this few words that i want to say to him, i have lost mood in everything even texting him. Really don't want to do anything now. Everything i do now seem hopeless. It can't be helped, everytime i would regret being in a relationship. I even regret the one I'm in now. People always says "If your in a relationship and it affects your studies your stupid" Yeah. I'm stupid, but i don't blame him, okay maybe i do abit, but its also my fault sometimes.

Girls usually fall for those guys that are good looking, smarter, richer. Those girls are bitches. I don't want be like them and i would not.

Miss the experience of cutting... Its been long since i last cut too. Everytime when i thinks about the stuff that he disappoints me i would feel like doing it. I can, but i just don't have the time. Someday i would. And the day would be near.