Break):

I'm Single, I still remember the day we break, the reaction he reacted, the feeling inside my heart. Well, its raining now. He told me he still love me but actually he loved me. He already losted feelings for me, and he didn't told me. He promise me that he would tell me, but perhaps he was keeping empty promises again and again.

How many times is he going to do this over and over again? If he see this, he might be asking himself "I didn't lied to her before." or "I didn't know she have been keeping this in her heart" Ivan, knowing this now is late, really late. It seem that you don't know me well. Its okay, i think its not really a need now. Since we aren't together anymore. Right?

Today, is our 2month anni (if we are still together), remember Ivan? No. I don't think you will be remembering it too. You always forget things i told you, important things. You never remember!

You always said that you would be texting me back later because something came up, but you didn't mean your words. You never, you would only text me back the next day. Is later that long!? I don't think so, you should tell me tmr text me back or something. If you don't, you know i would be there waiting foolishly, you don't know right? I would sit infront of my phone, see the time, asking myself "When is later?" "Is he going to reply?" Until, when I'm going to bed then i will realised that you didn't mean it. And i would be sad, utterly sad. Real sad. I would even think of cutting.

I hate texting you first, really. Can't you be more automatic? You cannot isit? That hard? I wonder how you pass your day? I wonder how many times you think about times we spend together. But now, maybe i don't need to think this things anymore...

Hope you would treat your next girlfriend more serious, and better then me. Its good bye now (even if i can't bear to leave you) Bye friend...

Till Next Time.

It just doesn't seem right. x.x

Everything is going wrong... Really really long, feelings for him start to lost. But it's still there just not as much as before. Anytime now he might just break with me or I break with him. It's been final that he is going to Outram and I'm going to Yuying. Not same school eh, surprised?

Currently no one knows about my blog, I think. Just hope people that knows about this doesn't spread everything. Been texting with Kango lately(:
I duuno why but when I text with him I feel different when I text with him. When I text with Kango, I feel like I have no worries all gone. But with Ivan I must get ready for anything bad coming because our relationship hasn't been steady these few days. I'm really lost really really lost. Soon, just soon we will break because there is no such thing as "Happily Ever After" fairytail and reality can't be mix. That's what i have learnt.

It's quite later I should be going to sleep already. I have to go to Yuying tmr. Goodnight(:

Till next time (:

Bigger Distance, Deeper Hurts.

Its been supa supa long since i have seen him. Its like we always have chances to meet up, but its either he cannot or i cannot. Is fate trying to tell me something? On my birthday, he didn't do anything special... (Everytime when i think about this its reminds me of Alex.) Last time, when I'm going overseas on my birthday Alex would still celebrate my birthday. But it was last time! But it seem like he didn't... He should know right?! He should celebrate it earlier or later mah. For Dionne's birthday, we all get to celebrate hers. Even Marcus was there to celebrate too, why can Marcus do it but not him? Isit because Marcus love Dionne more then Ivan love me!?

I want to know why? He was always there to say "We would last long even if we are going to different Sec School" And i would always agree at that time but now very hard for me to believe it anymore. Any day, just any day, we might break up. Is either me or him. It would happen. Or those shitty last long words doesn't even came true at all. So whats the point if you are getting people wishes like "Last long" their just words, its would never come true. All those mushy words that couples give to each other, are just there but for awhile only. Those words can't hold couples together. It can't.

I still miss him, i still do. But i can't always be the first one who always text him first. Always me start first then the one who would be going first is him. Whats this shit thing?! I don't want this kind of stupid relationship! He don't have to be perfect for me, really, but he have to also know that his girlfriend can't do everything.

Because of this few words that i want to say to him, i have lost mood in everything even texting him. Really don't want to do anything now. Everything i do now seem hopeless. It can't be helped, everytime i would regret being in a relationship. I even regret the one I'm in now. People always says "If your in a relationship and it affects your studies your stupid" Yeah. I'm stupid, but i don't blame him, okay maybe i do abit, but its also my fault sometimes.

Girls usually fall for those guys that are good looking, smarter, richer. Those girls are bitches. I don't want be like them and i would not.

Miss the experience of cutting... Its been long since i last cut too. Everytime when i thinks about the stuff that he disappoints me i would feel like doing it. I can, but i just don't have the time. Someday i would. And the day would be near.

Taiwan (:

Okay. Came back from Taiwan at like 11 Dec, now then blog... Sorry? Anyways, im lazy to blog about it okay, so ya, just think that i didn't went there or something. (: Anyway i think im going to change my blog link, i want to post something, and not let him know because he know my blog link now so im going to change. Keep stalking (:

ClassOuting to EastCoast(:

Awesome yesterday! Hope most of the day can be like that. Hahaha! I was late, as in, super late. They waited for me at Kallang Mrt even if i told them not to wait. Thanks guys!! <3 We rented bicycle, thats how i learn, hehehe. Don't judge me hor, 2 wheels one leh. Cycle Cycle Cycle then we stopped at the beach and play sand and water. Salty waterr!! XD I was wet all over, Hahahaha! Now let the pictures do some talking, Enjoy! <3



Girls who went there, yeah, only so little. But its okay(:


Me and Jiaying. Hahaha!





Besties! <3

Thats all(: See you next time. When i come back from taiwan then i will tell you more about that. Keep stalking. Till Next Time.

Taiwan!!

I not sure whether i should be happy or sad. As i said before, 2 more days im going to Taiwan, yeah.

But should i be happy because,
I'm going with my whole family (include Uncles, Aunties, Cousin, Grandparents) and there would be shopping and fun.
Or should i be sad because,
I will badly miss my friends here at Singapore and Him...

I'm lost now, i really dunno. Maybe i will be sad at first later on i will get over with it and be happy? Maybe. Hai, will defiantly miss you guys... will blog after i come back.

P.S. I hate packing my things, but i have no choice XD

Class Outing!! :D

Omg! Finally, Class Outing arrived i thought this day would NEVER come. Hahaha! Im having coughing and slight fever, scared i cannot go. Seriously, what if i cannot, will be super sad): Mother, now at home la. Dunno whether she fucking allow anot.. Hope she will *Praying* 2 more days, Im going to taiwan he said he would miss me. But will he? I dunno.

Back to the point, so, as i said, i going to East Coast for the Outing! Ya la! Need to walk la, why? Oh ya, because i dunno how cycle >< Opps, i take alot of courage to say that okay?! Its fun walking also. Not funny about it, everyone walks so why i need cycle... Hope its gonna be fun but i can guarantee it will be super tiring.

P.S. I'm excited and afraid that i cant go.):

Boring Boring :O

Im currently at Queenie's house. Hahahaha. Just have fun here la, cannot meh. XD Yesterday was with Dionne and Queenie. We went to Outram open house together, its fun but tiring... Post some pictures now, enjoy <3















Thats all for now. KK, Byeeee. Continued stalking (:

6 comfirm choices (:

With 190 my choices are,

1. Yuying Secondary
2. Outram Secondary
3. Bendemeer Secondary
4. Guangyang Secondary
5. Whitley Secondary
6. Balestier Secondary

Seriously, its like nobody going to Yuying with me. But its okay, cant force them also right?(: Totally understand. Im kinda excited to go to Secondary! New School, but im seriously going to miss Hongwen too. Will always remember Hongwen! Going back to School for every EVENT!!!! :D

Mixing with Bad Companies

I didn't even mix with Bad People! Don't go around saying i did!

So what if,
My friends smoke? That wouldn't prove anything that i would smoke.

My friends are bad? Doesn't mean people are bad there is no good side of them.

My friends are lousy at studies? Everyone are bad at studies, i believe in my friends some day they would be better!

My friends say bad words? Even guai kia say bad words now la. Even ME!


My grandmother told my parents to take good care of me. Shut up la, Bitch. They took good care of me okay, get 190 doesn't mean i mix with bad people. I still can go express mah. Knn, don't like people judging my friends. One day, just one day, i would proof my parents that my friend aren't that bad as he think. Just watch daddy. Watch.

P.S. Im bad too (:

Fucker. I don't want leave you la.

We're going to different Secondary School! Bullshit D: I really cant bear leaving him! Its like there alot of chances we can break anytime. 2 more days, our 1 month anniversary would be here. Is that how far we can last? We might break right?

Its sucks when this happen. Our score are like so far, very far. I really don't want my score to be higher! I want lower): I want go Outram, but families disagree. Outram so bad meh? If i go Outram i don't mind going Express... I'm in same School as you, I'm already very happy. But i cant, its seem like you cant change to Yuying just for me eh... Its okay, i understand):

We are kinda like the only couple which would not be going to the same School, which sucks. Dionne and Marcus are going to the same School, in fact, all of their choices are the same. Darryl and Queenie are going to the same School, Gms. Talia and Meekia also, Gms. But ours are so much different... Why must i be so smart?): Cant my IQ just go lower? I'm confused... Whether i should follow friends or Boyfriend? I at a very difficult spot right now... T-T

P.S. I regret saying i love my score. The truth is I HATE IT

You Rock My Life ♡

Yesterday, Me, Dionne, Queenie, DionLong, Talia, Ivan, Meekia, Marcus, Darryl, Alex, Lester, Tengwei and yenzhuang went out to watch Movie, TinTin (:

It was great! During the Movie, couples sit together la, Derh :D Half way through the movie, he put his arms around me! Omg! :D ♡♡ Hahaha! Loveyou Darling :3 When the movie end, its the end then. I didn't want the Movie end one lor. Fuck ): LOL. In the end, my head and my body super pain, because i was leaning to him. But its like so worth la. I don't mind if my body was pain. Hahaha! It Rock ♡

By the way hor, during the Movie right? He totally gave me a kiss XD I was shocked but i fall in love with it immediately ♡ I know you envy me la, Lols, just kiddin(:

Thats all. Keep stalking ar. (:

i will jealous de ):

It seem like you just doesn't understand.): Bullshit much, you keep making me jealous you know? It seem like you cant even feel it. Whats wrong with you Dear? Your scaring me... ): Will you forget me and run to another girl?

Sometimes, i really don't know what to do. Whether to let it go and forget (which i cant) or whether to hold it tightly (which you might think I'm irritating)... I'm really lost in the forest sometimes. Its like there is no way out, even if its sunny i can't even see anyone, just pitch dark. That feeling is scary and at that time, i would always think to myself: What trouble have i got myself into this time? Will i learn my lesson?

But unfortunately i would not, instead i would fucking repeat it again and again. And everything will go again and repeat its cycle. That feeling sucks. Sometimes, just sometimes i really wish i would wake up and get out from there and turn over a new leaf. But easier said then done. Its hard, i admit its hard. Its always hard putting a smile on your face but deep down inside its the opposite, it hard.
I really hope i don't go deep inside the forest and never come out. I wish i might able to see the light and turn over a new leaf. I really wish ):

Understand my love for you ♡

Does he understand my love for him? He must understand that i love him just the way he is, i dun love him just because he is perfect its because he just being just the way he is. He don't have to be perfect, He don't have to be smart, He don't have to be fit for me to love him. He just have to know that i love him for who he is and he will always remember that. Its hurtful if he started giving negative comments again, but its okay. I dun mind and i can't break with him just because of that. So, i told him and i reasure him that nothing would go wrong. Hope he understand my love, Being you is just what i love about you Darling. ♡

Get Well Soon ♡

He told me he caught a cold... Hope his alright.. (: Small dedication to him.

Hello, Darling! Baby miss you larhs. Have miss me anot? Must miss me ar!(: Anyways, restwell and Baby wish you get well soon k. Darling, will be strong again? Right? Next time, must bring jacket horh. Or baby will worried one leh. Understand mah? Hahaha! Okay ler la, Mushy eh XD
Baby Loves You. Muacks. XD <3

Omg! Awesome dedication :D Hope he will love it <3

Same story different action.

Just finish reading Queenie's Blog, well its really.. its like we both have the fucking same story just that we both did different action for our cure. She cut and emo. For me, i just cry... Its painful, but i just cant let it go. T^T

The picture of me and my perfect boyfriend suddenly disappeared for my eyes. Just like that, everything gone... I wanted to cut really wanna, but i cant be unfaithful to My Darling... I didn't want him to smoke too, but i just cannot put the pain in me so i had to cut but then again i cant. Im really lost and confused... X-X I rather be dead then to suffer this HUGE pain.... Cutting really make me feel better but i know i cant. Darling, will you let me cut? I know you wont, but if you would allowed me to cut i would be shocked...

I don't want to pass another day as im scared that the next day might be scaryy.... Will that happen? I really wanna knowww..

P.S. Im Confusedddd T^T

Irritating?? ):

Does he feel that im irritating? Hai.. I seriously wanna know D: Sometimes when i talk to him he doesn't really answer, is he shy or annoyed... Now, i dunno whether i should text him, what if he find me annoying...): I wanna ask him but what if he think i irritatinng and might break with me, i seriously dun want that.):

im scared... Must give him some space, but too much space isin't too good too. Yeahh.. What to do? Im lost D: Haii... I love him and i don't want to let this relationship go. Never.

P.S. Im Scared ><

Love and Protection.

Getting Love and Protection from someone is priceless! We cant use it to buy Love and Protection. But receiving it is possible. Thre is denfinitely someone in this world would give you that.

Have you ever tired giving it to someone? Its kinda hard but with a little hard work it might help. I have seen many boyfriends did the same to their girlfriends. I wish mine is like that, and i believe in him. I believe.

P.S. ILoveyou IvanChua ♡♡♡

Don't care about this bitch.

Misunderstand just happen really fast. Treating him like a brother only, but he just took it like im treating him for a stead.. Hard to explain to him, seriously. Have to try my fucking best to like fucking avoid him..:/ Hate Misunderstandd.. Complicated much, not i got myself into this shity mess when im already having lots and lots of mess... Fucked up D: im lost and confused...

P.S. Im Sorry to Kango

Failing.

No matter what i do i never succeeded in anything right? Yeah. I suck. Bitch life im having. Is like whats the point of putting all your efforts in something when you know you will fail.. Im justing screwing everything up, fucktarted life. Somebody just kill me now.

Is like my siblings are good in something for sure, but for me, is like im the fucking out one out. Im the opposite. Good in nothing! Im just adding burden to them instead of helping them. From p1 to p2, i never give my parent good results. I will then always think this question to me "Hey Clarissa, whats wrong with you? Will daddy be happy with this result?" And the answer to this question would be, "No!" See, Kango im no good in everything okay. So stop being with me anymore! I sad, you mustn't be sad! Happy okay. Beecause its useless just being with me.

P.S Im Sorry.):

Toying?

Never reply my message.. Play some games with her.. Giving me shit attitude. What's with him?): His making me angry! Dun even know if he mean his love towards me, is like he dun give a shit! Playing with my feelings? I thought he's different from other guy but i think im wrong. Somethings wrong... D: She has a boyfriend! How can he.. hahas it seem like a flirt is always a flirt.. Even if every girls flirt she's the worst! Attention seeker..): Hate it..

ETC.

Sometimes texting him is like texting the wall. He kept say lol by ending the conversation. Is like whats his fucking problem, and making me no mood to talk to him anymore... Dunno whats his problem also. His love for me isin't true at all is just saying not meaning. Frustrated.):

Soccer Soccer Soccer :D

Yesterday Me, Queenie, Darryl, Kango, Xavier, Raynous and SongXiang went to train soccer. Actually only the the four of them but Me, Queenie and Darryl tag along(: While the boys were training, some of songxiang friends came then they started to kpkb at us. Then the boys stopped playing except songxiang. Then we decided to go to Jordan house, without songxiang but we didn't know he cannot so we went. It was raining but we still continued walking because of two crazy girls, me and queenie ! :D We were soaking wett! Very Very Wet! (: Took 130 then stop at bugis Mrt then went to kallang. But we were totally wet. By the time we went there, Jordan told us that he cannot let us come in. So we went to the rooftop of the carpark near Jordan's House. PlayPlayPlay! Then have some problem but in the end it is Jordan's friend so we let him off. (: Then Xavier and Darryl went home. Which left Me, Queenie, Jordan, Kango and Raynous. So we went to the Market and eatt! ^^ YUMMMYY! Everyone went home. Jordan escort me home. Then reach home about 6+ Fun but tiring!(: ♡

Cookies Cookies! :D

On Tuesday, me and JinRong went to Dionne's house to bake cookies! We checked if there is any ingredients to buy. Then we went to suntec city. But went to eat at the food court, have daiji settle liao because they humji go away.. Next went to Carefour, dunno how spell, to buy the things (: Then we went to NewLook to do some Window Shopping because no moneyy! xD Then we went in to this shop because the song was, wish you were here. Coincidentally, it was a shoe shop and we went to try different different awesome shoe! Hahahaha! FUNNN! Bake Bake Bake then went home about 6+ So FUNNN! Hope can do this again. (: ♡



HeartShape Cookie! ♡



Yummy Cookies!


(From left to Right) Me, Dionne and JinRong


Unbaked cookies


Thats Apple, Dionne's dog :D


FunkyFunky! :D


Thats Dionne and Me! (From Left to Right)





WenWenHearts Popo

Well, that's all(: ByeBye!

Change Blog (:

Hahaha! Change Blog ((: Yippe. Hope i can survive and have a nice blogg (: Wish me luck. :D